Over the last few years your old pal Captain Drew has noticed a renaissance in Renaissance Festival costuming, particularly in the area of leather pouches. In the Olde Dayes booths featured pouches with leather and bone toggles, or a complex series of rawhide lashes and laces. These looked great but they weren’t always convenient when you were looking to pull out Ye Olde Cellphone, and they were forever loosening up and dumping out Ye Olde Crappe onto Ye Olde Grounde. So it was with great rejoicing that the strange caste known as “Rennies” did embrace the wonderful world of tri-locks and swing latches. While they weren’t period accurate enough for the lore guardians of the SCA, they *did* appeal to the 21st century sensibilities of Ye Olde Rennies. Unfortunately, these handy latches and catches can break if you like to have lassies grind around in your lap as I do. But don’t despair me hearties, fixing these pretties be easier than slipping your cockatiel Continue Reading

Many of me reader believe your old pal Captain Drew to be only concerned with technical innovations (like the rPhone™) or flirting with biologically accommodating lassies (like, um… what’s your number?). But I submit this to you: Only a few moments ago, I completed a little pooem what might entice those budding minstrels amongst you to craft some toe-tapping, boot-slapping accompaniment fit for the outhouse privy. Just mind where you tap your toes. Please be so kind to attribute this work of literature to yours truly should you decide to scratch it into the planks above your own ship’s honeypot. (Note: this pram may not be suitable for lubbers what have never been poetically inspired whilst in the head, or lassies what wish to think of Captain Drew as having the ability to think above the level of a 14 year old boy)

A festive swirl
of brown and green
around the bowl
and back again Continue Reading

The bearded pirate merchant in this photo named “Captain Matt” went to a place called The Georgia Renaissance Festival. While there he was seized with a desire to record the moment, so he asked his friends to take his photo on this very spot. However, as he be a right bastard of a pirate, he’d already slain his entire crew (with the exception of a goat named “Pierre” and a moldy bar of Continue Reading

People are always telling your old pal Captain Drew that I don’t always understand what’s happening around me… that I have a very loose grasp on reality, which is of course a fat load of old cobblers. For instance: earlier today I were explaining a movie about renaissance festivals to a lass what swore up and down and up and down that I “misintrumpeted the message” that I “misunderstooped the thrust” of the thing. Well of course I just slapped her on her sweet fanny and kept going, but then later I got to thinkin’ that perhaps I ought to put something here on me bog and see what you lubbers thought of it… you know, just to make sure I be on course. The movie be called “Knightriders” which were made by a feller named Georgio “Alpha” Romero. Be warned: this movie features nudity and lots of hardcore Continue Reading

It were the night of the Dragon*Con Pirate Party (quite fantastic if you could get in) and The Captain had been called into action far sooner than intended. Still groggy from the previous day’s activities, I thought to splash a bit of me grandfather-scented Old Spice™ round about me person… you know, just to freshen up. Well, as any pirate knows, getting all sashed up and lashed up into your fightin’ kit takes a bit of effort, and somehow in that leather and linen melee I ended up walking into the lobby of the Hilton with me bottle of Old Spice™ in me hand.

Too much of a bother to turn on me heel and go back down to me autocarriage to put away the bottle of aftershave, I elected instead to make it me canteen for the evening and drunkenly offered a sip to an endless number of Continue Reading

The folks what be behind the Atlanta Pirates & Wenches Meet-Up Group have floated a message my way and asked me to pass it along to all you scurvy dogs what follows me blog thingy. They’d like you to join them down to the Euclid Avenue Yacht Club to raise a pint or twelve before tryin’ to rustle some Continue Reading

Planning already be under way for the 2008 Pirate Party at Dragon*Con... which be some sort of heathen jamboree what happens in downtown Atlantarrr every Septembarrr (scant weeks before me PiratePalooza™ Pubcrawl). With the help o’ Cap’n Sparrow I crashed into this rowdy congregation of pirates last year and were supremely impressed with the effort what went into it, not to mention the dancin’, the singin’, the rum, the ample corsetry and a wide range of space aliens from back around me own homestar. No wonder that fire marshall feller were so hot to keep it in check, it were a hootenany to be sure! So, if you’re plannin’ to attend this year’s event you need to know that the scurvy seadogs behind the event have erected a web doodle for to keep all of you rogues and privateers apprised of their every move.

I hope to be there again this year, though I plan on drinking much less Old Spice by accident. Pblblblbtt!!!

(video after the break) Last night around ebb tide I slipped down to the bard-stenched halls of the New American Shakespeare Tavern to observe “The Naughty No No Show“, a gymnastic burlesque performed by a quartet of fetching, flexible lassies what call themselves “The Aerial Angels“. Backed up by one of me most popular Palooza bands, the “The Lost Boys“, these faire-friendly beauties twirled and tumbled, whipped and stripped before a willing crowd of paying onlookers. More than a few of the men in the audience got so worked up that they shucked out of their shirts, with one swabby even running up onto the stage to jerk off Continue Reading

Well, take a look around m’hearties, have you ever seen the old Palooza ’site lookin’ so nice? Here be a brief re-capture of the events that led to what you be looking at now (try to follow along):

1. Captain Drew be right tired of his ragamuffin version of WordPress (which he shanghaied into working, against all the known laws of PHPing, WordPressing, and Bloggin’ as they be writ on the interknot) and was avowed to change the thing by the time the year Twenty Oh Eight fell wicked across his lap.
2. The Royal Court of Boffins at WordPressery released version “two pointe fyve” of their beastie and Captain Drew had lust in his loins for new things to touch
3. Everything else.*

So that be the full and complete “technical” explanation of what you be havin’ in front of you. If it don’t look right on your box of blinky lights it might indeed be my fault, but as I be a pirate (and a right bad one at that) you can take a long walk on a short…. ahh, a short haul of a long…. ummm…

Look mate, this rum’s not drinking itself. Buzz away.

Update: She be workin’ now!! As of this post the Flash-driven audio snippets (like the ones you’ll find in the post about the Booty Album) don’t be playing correctly from the Palooza web-type site, though you may in fact download the MP3 thingys and play them on your own music box to your heart’s content. I’ll instigate a solution as soon as I’ve finished doing something daring and dashing (as long as you consider postin’ wirelessly from the ship’s head “daring”…okay, must be dashing off now)….

* (Aye, I know this kind of skips through the mySquall backups, the FreeToPee downloads and uploads and all the ragged PHP cursing and CSS gnashing and Illustrator and Photoshoppe vanities… but do anybody really care about that stuff anyway?)

As the sexy star of PiratePalooza™: the Adventure Series and creator of the rPhone™, it’s no secret that Captain Drew be a bosom-centric space pirate with a penchant for puzzles, who seems to enjoy referring to himself in the third person. Unfortunately, my embarrassing wealth of charisma and charm have left me with little time to devote to puzzles, riddles, ciphers or clever conundrums, until recently when I ran across what I suspected to be a hidden code during a scene at Coney Island near the end of the movie. Did you see what was on that big sign behind the rag?? Did you follow the leads? If so, did you find THIS picture??!!! (see photo after the cut) Continue Reading

The Lady Wispa writes in to say that Atlanta Pirates and Wenches Guild be encouraging all able-bodied (and differently-hooked) pirates, seadogs, sundogs, sunspots, spotdogs and spatboys to join them at the Euclid Avenue Yacht Club at (or about) 6:30pm on Saturrrday, February 9th for a FULL GARB MeetUp event scheduled so closely to February the 14th that you might as well think of it as “Pirate Valentines”.

Your favorite space pirate (namely me, not Captain Harlock (I hope)) attended the “Pirate Christmas” hosted by the AP&WG and it was a very, very satisfactory event. I mean, how often are the normal sidewalk rats along Little Five Points out-weirded? Surely, the opportunity to taunt emo skatepunks is worth the price of admission??? (which I should point out is free, as I understand it… though you’re liable for your own grog dealins with the Yacht Club’s Pub Wenches).

If you insist on paying an admission fee you should crawl around the deck until you find me and I’ll gladly relieve you of your loose change, bras or pantaloons. It’s what space pirates do at Pirates Valentine!!1

This is my response to a reader’s request for my opinion of a recent movie what be called “Cloverfield”. I’ve tweaked the article, added corrections, inserted new information and am placing the entire bulk of the article after the cut to prevent readers who’ve yet to see the movie thingy from reading any accidental spoilers. (Note: I’ve heard a lot about the South Korean monster movie “The Host” since the debut of Cloverfield. Your Captain’s thoughts? The monster from ‘The Host’ is far cooler looking than Cloverfield’s Baby Huey, but the plot will dry out your hippocampus. Rent it, push play, fast forward through anything that doesn’t have the monster in it. The time you save may be your own.)

Continue Reading

Maria (with a bit o’ help from Benjamin, note the time change) writes in with an invitation:

Consider the Pirate Community worded~!
(Note: I’m told that this be a full-garb parrrty - Cap’n Drew)

This past weekend the fine folks at Nathalie’s Fish House passed along a mug that was lost during this past September’s pubcrawl and I’d like to make sure that this little guy makes it back to the rightful owner. As luck would have it, there’s an inscription on the mug (cleverly omitted from the photo accompanying this article). If you can tell me what’s inscribed on the other side of this mug I’ll gladly return it to you directly (possibly at PiraTiki #2 if you can make it there). Captain Drew may be a pirate but he’s no thief and besides, the bloody thing leaks! Spread the word, let’s find this things owner!!!

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